HOW LOVELESSNESS WORKS - Sin in our social dimension takes two forms of lovelessness: assault (attack) and withdrawal (distancing). If spiritual formation in Christ is to succeed, the power of assault and withdrawal must be broken so they are eliminated as indwelling realities or as postures we take toward others.
They also must be successfully disarmed as they come toward us. They must be eliminated in our social environment—family or household, those with whom we work or play, our community—but especially in the fellowships of Christ’s followers.
We assault others when we act against what is good for them, even with their consent. The more well-known forms of assault are dealt with in the last six of the Ten Commandments—murder, adultery, theft, and so on. We withdraw from others when we are indifferent to their well-being or perhaps even despise them. We “don’t care.” Withdrawal is usually a form of assaulting those we withdraw from. And assault usually involves distancing ourselves as well.
Spiritual formation in Christ will mean becoming persons who would not (and therefore do not) assault others. A verbal assault (which can be done in refined as well as brutal ways—we speak of a “cutting remark”) is specifically designed to hurt its object and to inflict loss of respect in a person’s own eyes and before others.
Many people never recover from a particular verbal assault, harassment, or degrading treatment. Most often this happens to people while very young or otherwise weak and unprotected. But withdrawal also wounds. The tongue can assault by withdrawal, by not speaking. As assault and withdrawal are eliminated, the social area of our lives becomes what God intended: a play of constant mutual blessing. Every contact with a human being should be one of goodwill and respect, with a readiness to make way for the other in suitable ways.
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